The most difficult thing in life is to know yourself.



In less than a week, I'll be turning twenty-nine. It's scary to think about the fact that I'm heading into the last year of my twenties. I am still in the process of finding out who I am and for some reason I thought I'd know by now. Ever since I can remember I've had this uneasy feeling trembling inside of me. I've felt misunderstood, lonely and unsure of myself in so many aspects of my life. The fact that I have an extremely hard time talking about my emotions doesn't really make the situation any better. But I'm trying. It's just that I'm scared.

One of the reasons I was drawn to photography in the first place was the fact that it was a way for me to express the feelings I couldn't talk about. Writing was aslo a savior of mine. I grew a lot visually over the years. Because of this some kind of confidence started to emerge. I looked for validation in one of the most important people in my life; my father. Unfortunately, he is kind of old fashioned when it comes to work ethic and what he considers to be important in life. His main focus/concern is money. He never wanted to lay eyes on my photography because he...
  1. probably doesn't understand it
  2. doesn't see any possibility of me making a career out of it
  3. looks at it as a way too expensive hobby

And for some reason this disapproval still lies in the pit of my stomach to this day. It didn't fuel me to prove him wrong. It made me feel like such a disappointment. I envied the kids who had parents who supported their passion no matter what. That wanted to be there for them and show them that they were proud of them. Like myself, my dad has a very hard time talking about his emotions and over the years I got used to the fact that his way of showing that he cared about me was by giving me financial support. Don't get me wrong; I love my dad to bits, but a part of me has never really gotten over this. I know that he most likely won't understand my vision nor the passion I have for photography, but I'd love for him to tell me that he's proud of my work and that he's proud of me. That's all.

Nowadays I feel like I'm constantly looking for something to fill my void with and I'm doing it in all the wrong places. I get wrapped into old destructive patterns time and time again. It's like I'm making bad decisions for temporary happiness. But I am aware of it and I know have a lot of personal growth to do. Cause in the end; you only have yourself.


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Lover, Where Do You Live?



Yesterday, approximately ten minutes past six, the rain started pouring down and Highasakite stepped out on stage at Sverresborg in Trondheim. Even though Röyksopp was playing that night too; I came for Highasakite and they did not let me down. It was pure magic. For some reason the rain just added to the magical mood. Marte and I drank beer from plastic glasses (♥) and made a scarf tent to shield us from the rain.

To make the night even better I ran into my friend Marita that I went to Fotofagskolen with. She moved back north again after she finished school and I've missed her (and her boyfriend Tøsse) so much. We ended up peeing in places we shouldn't have, drinking beer and dancing our asses off to Röyksopp. I live for nights like these.


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Frailty


Canon 5D Mark II + Canon EF 35mm F/2 0 + Canon Speedlite 430EX

"How frail the human heart must be — a mirrored pool of thought."
Sylvia Plath


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Home is where the heart is


Livet er egentlig ganske fint og hektisk og spennende. Jeg har lagt 5 uker med visual merchandiser opplæring i Oslo bak meg og jobber nå med et fantastisk team som jeg skal åpne ny butikk med (allerede) på torsdag. Det er godt å være hjemme. Borte bra, men hjemme er absolutt best.

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Life is good and hectic and exciting. I've put 5 weeks of visual merchandiser training in Oslo behind me and I'm now working with an amazing team that I'm building a brand new store with. The grand opening is on Thursday. It feels good to be home.


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Roger


Canon EOS 5D + Canon EF 50mm f/1.4 USM


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Jeg reiser alene.


Om under en uke reiser jeg til Oslo og blir der i fem uker på VM-opplæring. Dette er faktisk den første gangen jeg reiser alene på eventyr. Kanskje på tide i en alder av tjue-åtte? D: Jeg er veldig spent på hvordan opplæringen blir i så store forhold (trolig en stor kontrast til butikken vi skal åpne i alle fall), på hotellivet og ikke minst; om jeg finner frem (les: null stedssans).

Wah, jeg har virkelig noen spennende uker og måneder i vente!


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Twenty-eight



Happy birthday to me!
og vips — så var jeg tjue-åtte fuckings år.


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Sleeping by Alice Lemarin


I dag falt jeg pladask for den franske fotografen Alice Lemarin's serie "Sleeping". Elsker kontrasten mellom de sarte tonene, uskyldigheten og det urbane miljøet. Det er historiefortelling som dette som gjør at jeg elsker foto så ufattelig mye.

/ tidsinnstilt innlegg


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Sunday is funday


Si hei til linselusen Casper.

På søndag var vi i utebarnedåp (!) til Heidi Irene og foreldrene hennes Kristin og Svein Tore (les: søskenbarnet mitt). Det var solskinn, koldtbord, kaker, hyperaktive barn med litt for mye sukker i kroppen og én stk oppgitt far som sa "aldri gå i anskaffelse av en sånn en". :b Og vel hjemme i sofaen etter en times kjøretur var det duket for sesongpremiere av Alt for Norge og Big Brother.



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Let us go in; the fog is rising.


Denne uken har vært helt fantastisk. Jeg har fått jobbet sammen med en herlig gjeng med jenter, blitt kastet ut i nye utfordringer og virkelig blitt kjent med begrepet "learning by doing". Sjefen min sier hun ikke engang tenker på at jeg er ny fordi jeg har kommet så godt inn i rutinene og det er så gøy! Det er kanskje tidlig å si enda, men jeg elsker virkelig jobben min akkurat nå.

Livet er fint.


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The role of Visual Merchandiser is creative and fast-paced.


Etter å ha vært nervous wreck i flere dager fant jeg meg selv i å være rolig i morgentimene i dag. Første dag på jobb fløy forbi og gikk over all forventning! Jeg har en spennende tid i vente. Virkelig. Føler meg så utrolig heldig som har fått denne muligheten og som får ta del i alt dette.


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All of this is only going to be memories.

« At this age, everything is changing. Day by day we don't notice, but just look back over the past year and you will realize everything has. People you thought were going to be there forever aren't, and people you never imagined you'd be speaking to are now some of your closest friends. Life makes little sense, and the more we grow the less sense it will make. So make the most of it now, before it all changes once again, because in the near, all of this is only going to be memories. »
— anonymous


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Black & White


1: Veske /    2: Bukse high waist /    3: Oversized bluse /    4: Spileløs BH i micro /    5: 16-pack ringer /    6: Crêpet kjole /    7: Kort halskjede /    8: Lang blazer /    9: Lang topp /    10: Bredt midjebelte /

Kjenner jeg er allerede forelsket i den minimalistiske sort og hvitt trenden som H&M fronter for øyeblikket. Den er så enkel, men allikevel så edgy og stilren. Den hvite singleten er allerede på tur hjem til meg og neste på listen er crêpet kjolen, high waist buksen (som forøvrig minner meg om disco pants som jeg har hatt lyst på i all evighet) og de enkle accessoriesene i sølv. ♥


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Living for good hair days


Frisørtimer er virkelig som terapi for sjelen. Kjenner meg ny, fresh og som meg selv igjen. Det er fredag og duket for Project Runway, taco-pizza, sofaslækking og iskald coca cola light. Prøver å holde nervene i sjakk da første arbeidsdag i ny jobb (les: mandag) nærmer seg med stormskritt. Jeg er så spent! Tror jeg må snurre film i kveld også... det er alt for lenge siden sist.


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19 is the 8th prime number


Som du kan se var mamma i rimelig godt festhumør da vi feiret Marthe sin nittenårsdag (på etterskudd) i dag. Og litt sånn i tillegg feiret vi også at jeg har landet (det jeg liker å tro er) drømmejobben. :)


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older stories » August 2015 » Oktober 2014 » September 2014


lena katrin. twenty-eight. visual merchandiser + photographer. lover of all things art, concerts, movies, cats, melancholy moods and working out. read more »




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